THE BOOK OF RULES 94.7A
The Definitive Guide to Living Life
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This handbook was created after three years of extensive research across the United States of America. The Book of Rules Regulatory Board listened to the readers and fans of the web site, and the the Book of Rules 94.7A was written and nationally distributed. Initially conceptualized as a "water cooler", (talk about it at work the next day) book, it has gradually grown into a national obsession. Many things in life we do in life are not done because they are right or wrong, but just because. The good-natured "discrepancy forms" of the Book of Rules 94.7A were intended to complement the book, but these forms have taken the BOR 94.7A to the national level. This handbook outlines the consensus of thousands of fans and readers resulting in an educational and entertaining handbook detailing the "way life is meant to be led." The Book of Rules Regulatory Board Chairman, Abraham Kennedy, was unanimously elected by a conference consisting of a reflective segment of American society. The BOR 94.7A Regulatory Board
Excerpts from the Book of Rules 94.7A (BOR 1-1) Purpose The Book of Rules Handbook (BOR 94.7A) was established to outline acceptable practices and procedures in various social situations. Many everyday actions, while not illegal or immoral, are generally considered improper, and are outlined within this handbook. This manual establishes and reinforces life rules required to be a productive member of American society. A. The BOR 94.7A is applicable to all citizens of the United States and all of its territories. Although not specifically mandated for citizens outside of the United States, most BOR 94.7A rules and regulations are generally acceptable procedures worldwide. (BOR 2-1) Crossing the Path of a Moving Motor Vehicle Pedestrians crossing the path of a motor vehicle shall make personal eye contact with the driver prior to initiating passage across the path of the vehicle. If eye contact is not initiated, the driver of the vehicle is warranted to honk the horn, yell loudly, and aggressively wave his or her fist. Vulgarity is only authorized whenever a violating pedestrian is operating a cell phone (See BOR 4-6 C). A. Pedestrians more than halfway across the street when a vehicle approaches are not required to initiate eye contact with drivers. (BOR 6-1) Toilet Paper Selection and Placement Good judgment should be exercised in the selection of toilet paper. Only premium paper shall be utilized. Even the thriftiest of individuals are encouraged to splurge monetarily in three specific areas: 1. Tipping those who prepare one’s food 2. Tipping those who style one’s hair 3. Premium toilet paper The following procedures are essential in the purchase and display of toilet paper within the home. A. Only quilted, two-ply toilet paper shall be utilized unless personal financial hardship prevents the purchase of premium paper. 1. The removal of frivolous household expenses, such as health club membership and cable TV shall be accomplished before non-premium toilet paper is purchased. B. A sufficient supply of toilet paper shall be maintained within the home preventing (BOR 6-3) Soap and Toilet Paper Exhaustion from being executed. 1. Replacement toilet paper shall be stored in a convenient area within the bathroom, preferably a bathroom closet or under the bathroom sink. C. Toilet paper shall be dispensed from the roll with new sheets advancing from the bottom of the roll.
the roll shall be removed and properly placed immediately. a. In the case of a houseguest “righting” a toilet paper roll, the homeowner shall be politely notified. PHRASEOLOGY EXAMPLE: “Hey Clifford, your toilet paper was on wrong!” (BOR 7-1) Age Restricted Clothing Clothing items identified as “teen wear” in popular magazines and media shall not be worn by any individual over the age of 23. This restriction applies both in public and private. The term “teen wear” is rather generic and good judgment shall be exercised when applying this application. For the 2010-2019 decade, the most commonly identified teen wear items are currently: 1. Baggy pants, three or more sizes too large, giving the wearer the appearance of a clown or court jester 2. Any shirt worn with the collar in the upright position 3. “Girly” socks worn by males that extend no higher than the top of the shoe 4. Any clothing item purchased at a mall location in which music is played at a level of 90 decibels or higher |
